it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
