My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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