....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
time to smoke my breakfast
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
