I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
