every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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