It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
