i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
