Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize