Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
