I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
