Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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