Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
