Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
