True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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