ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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