So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
