You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize