You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
