the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
