Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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