Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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