just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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