I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
