I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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