why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
