I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
