Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
