i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
