I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize