oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
