All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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