i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize