just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
