I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
