we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
