is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
