I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
