She said her name was "party"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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