my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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