I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
