I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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