I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize