I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
