i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
