Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Randomize
