I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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