Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize