im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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