Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
