I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
