how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
