yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
