He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
