I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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