You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
pray to the hookup gods
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
