mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
