The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
