lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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