Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
