You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
