I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
