Your face is a jimmy john
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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