Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
