One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
