i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize