If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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