I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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