after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
