at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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