Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
