dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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