haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
