Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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