I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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