Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
