it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
