May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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