So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
