I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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