i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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