No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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