I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
