I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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