No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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