I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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