Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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