it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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