where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
