I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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