He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
