Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sober January is a disaster.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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