All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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