I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
