Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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