You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
