Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
