Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
