I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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