after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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