did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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