There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
