i permit you to call me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
