last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
