well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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