i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
