May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
