If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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