I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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