We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
